From an old Issue of NCL

One of the most difficult things in life is finding parking near your home at night in Crown Heights (until you park four blocks away, then a spot opens up in front of your house). Almost as difficult, is being a good bochur in America in the new millennium.

American culture, by definition, is one of the biggest challenges to a bochur's goal of "doing the right thing." Advertisements, radio and television shows, and movies are geared towards a teenager's weak spots. Clothing ads certainly are nothing more than a message to teens, that what's important today is to be a physical attraction. (If it was really an ad for clothing, there would be more clothes in the ad!). No, the message is get noticed. It's not who you are, it's what you wear. The opposite extreme of what Torah teaches.

It's not by mistake either. Hollywood and the advertising industries prey on the vulnerable teenagers. They spend millions of dollars perverting and twisting the minds of our youth. And it's everywhere. Today there is an ad that thirty years ago would have been banned as pornographic - and it's an ad for toothpaste!

Practically every show has the same theme: boy runs after girl, girl runs after boy, car explodes.

But I'm not writing now about the destruction that is caused by bringing movies or television into your home. Today you can greatly damage your bochur's innocence with the daily mail.

There is almost no secular publication available today that is kosher enough to be brought into your home. Period. The world's standards have eroded to the point that practically no newspaper, magazine or novel is OK. It is appalling. And if you, a mother of young boys, have an absolute need for these magazines, et al - which are devastating to a bochur's growth - they must be kept locked up in the master bedroom, or in a safe. They certainly cannot be left in a family-room magazine stand, or even a bathroom drawer, or any other place accessible to him.

You want your son to be chassidish, and he wants to be chassidish. But you cannot put the yetzer horah in front of his nose, or worse, in his hand, and expect him to withstand the temptation.

For those that have no kids at home at any given time, you are responsible for the yiras shomayim of any bochur that passes through your home, be it a relative or a guest. If a kid in your house uses your bathroom and sees a provocative advertisement on the back of a magazine that was left sitting out, it is your fault, and you have damaged him tremendously.

Here are the options: Your boy can remain innocent a little longer, or you can have your reading pleasure. Is it worth it? No way! Live without it, and have a healthy, frum boy. Please! Do it for his sake, if not for yours.

Is it really your responsibility? If you come in contact with someone who is still in the learning process, you are a mechanech! You are an educator, and his or her chinuch is in your hands at that time.

Today in our big, bad world there is no more good and bad, or right and wrong. What kid's are basing their morals on today is "is it done or not." Of course they don't base it on what they see on the street. We've taught them that what's there on the outside is not us, it's not for our lives. But we do teach them that what they see and have at home is theirs, and is by definition good and acceptable. And they need to be able to know, unquestionably, that what they have at home, in school and in shul, is kosher.

A good bochur works constantly and continually on controlling his desires, the natural, inborn taavos that he has. And B"H he is successful. For you to put a challenge, a stumbling block, in front of him - in addition to being an aveira, it's abuse!

For a bochur to be exposed to his sister or sisters that do not dress modestly is also abuse. In addition to having to see that which he is taught and trained not to see, exposure to it desensitizes him, and his yetzer horah becomes greater. To see what he constantly sees at home is no longer a big deal, and he wants more.

We're not talking about teaching the above, culled from sichos and shulchan aruch, to your baalei battim's families, or your irreligious relatives and friends. Today this needs to be told to every single frum family. Especially bearing in mind what the Rebbe says about "poseyach al shtei hasi'ifim," namely, that it is in some ways worse than outright avodah zorah! People are looking at you as an example of a frum family and will undoubtedly imitate you. Your sons are looking at you as an acceptable role model and will do as you do. Your nephews trust you to be a chassidishe yard-stick and will emulate your actions.

If your son does have certain places or circumstances that are unavoidable, and he will be exposed to these or other unacceptable items, make sure to explain to him that "in our family, as chassidim, that stuff is wrong."

Our bochurim are trying so hard. They really are. They aren't just the pleasure seeking, attention starved teenagers the world wants them to be. They want to be the best that they can be. But they need our help. They need our help in staying away from bad, and they need our help with a good replacement for it. And with a little bit of help, a little bit of encouragement, a little bit of self-esteem boosting, they'll get caught in that beautiful cycle: they're better and so they're happier, and they're happier so they're better. Which is exactly what they want.