An email we sent out

Dear parents,

I trust this finds you and yours in the best of health and spirit.

I am writing today to make sure that you understand what the Internet can do to your son, or anybody else. More precisely, if your son has any access to the Internet, what it IS doing to your son.

Imagine: Twenty years ago, when a bochur had a desire to see non-tznius images, he realized that he would have to sneak out of the house, enter unnoticed into a store that he would be embarrassed to be caught in, shamefacedly show a cashier what he was buying and lie about his age, and then view those images hiding behind a garage or bushes. Today, when a bochur wants to see non-tznius images, he goes to his living room.

Twenty years ago, the vast majority of bochurim who had that desire didn't follow through on it because it was too difficult, and they grew up and got over it. The vast majority of bochurim today are viewing these images, and it's an addiction that gets worse and worse.

Additionally, it affects every single type of bochur: the very chassidish, the not so chassidish, the outgoing, the noisy, the loner, the quiet, the obedient, the disobedient. No parent can sit back and say "I know my child, I can trust him on the computer."

Sometimes parents picture themselves in their son's shoes, but that's a mistake because the Internet experience of an adult and the experience of a teenager are world wide webs apart.

If your son uses the Internet, some or all of the following are happening:

1. He is seeing non-tznius pictures. Not by looking for them, but because almost every website that isn't 'frum based' has pictures that are not tznius, certainly not tznius by our standards. And pictures that are even less tznius are just a click away. That's best case scenario. Worst case scenario is that he is looking for non-tznius pictures, and certainly finding them, and the images that he sees are in his mind all day long and all night long.

2. He is being invited to join MySpace or Facebook or any of the other filth-riddled forums that anyone who wants to be considered "with it" needs to be a part of.

OR

He is already a member of one of these places, and is already posting and sending messages, pictures, etc. Of course, his content and language have to be up to par. He also has a few girls listed as his friends or buddies - not necessarily because he wants girls on his list, but they were a friend of a friend, and they asked to be his friend, and out of the kindness of his heart he accepted.

OR

He is already a heavy user of these forums, has many girls with whom he chats, and has changed his ID several times after being terminated for violating the terms of use agreement.

3. He is sending and receiving emails that have content that you (or I) would not approve of. Or content that would make your (or me) cry.

4. He is browsing YouTube, or a similar video website. Even if he signs on to watch a Rebbe video or a Jewish singer, when he arrives he is encouraged to watch some filth. While he's watching the kosher video it will be surrounded by suggestions of other videos, and when he's done, YouTube will recommend many more untznius videos.

5. He is searching for something on Google. Before he finds what he's looking for he is going to see or read inappropriate material, or worse.

***

We need to come to terms with the damning fact that most families have Internet access in their homes. Those of you that don't, a huge Yasher Koach to you! You are fighting the good fight, keep it up! You are the Pinchas of our days, standing up against the worst the world has to offer, in the face of overwhelming apathy.

But for those of you that have Internet in your homes, you must make sure that it is in a public place, where the users know that they have no privacy! And you must restrict the time that your children spend on the Internet to times when parents are home, and set time limits.

Please! Do not make the mistake of saying, "my child is already old enough to make good choices, I don't mix in."

Please! Do not make the mistake of saying, "my son has no interest in the filth on the Internet," or "my son is so well behaved, and so frum, he would never do anything wrong on the Internet." Kids don't sit down at the computer to ruin their lives. They sit down for innocent fun, or work, and the predatory Internet takes care of the rest.

Do not allow your child to have a laptop computer, or a handheld gaming device with Internet access, or a cell-phone with Internet access.

It's not fair! It's not fair to put a box in your son's hand and say "this box has the latest Hollywood hits. Don't open it!" "This box contains the filth your friends have told you about. Don't open it." "This box has an untznius picture or video in it. I'll never know if you look at it or not. But don't."

To ask a kid to have access to the world's filth at his or her fingertips, or in their hands or in their pockets, and expect them to stay away from it is not only unrealistic, but it's not fair.

Remember, they want to be great kids! They just need a bit of our help.

Wishing you a health and happy summer filled with nachas,

Sincerely,