Shalom.
Question: Why?
Answer: There's no good reason. So a kid goes to camp, all frum and chassidish and doing everything his mommy wishes he would. There he meets his counselor and learning teacher, the guys that are going to bring him even closer to his Father in Heaven. So they tell him go wash for Hamotzie for lunch and get on line for a roll. So Kid says "Um, I'm not allowed to that. I need to have bread right away." So counselor says, "Oh, don't try acting so frum." So in the morning Kid is davening and Counselor says "Be ready to start in three minutes." So Kid says "I need to say a bunch of stuff and I can't be ready in three minutes." So Counselor says, "well if you're not ready you're in trouble." (These are not their real names).
Where do we draw the line? Of course a camp or yeshiva needs to have structure, and you can't allow every "Kid" to make his own schedule or rules. On the other paw, today we need to appreciate every drop of frumkeit that a Kid shows or has, and cherish it. And what if Kid says or thinks: "If my counselor tells me to get in line and wait five minutes between washing and having hamotzie, then my father/teacher/friend who told me that I'm not allowed to do that must be wrong. What else is he wrong about....?"
Or better, Kid knows he's right, and knows that you can't skip korbonos, or Tanya, etc. And so when Learning Teacher tells him to, he doesn't listen. So he also stops listening to LT's classes. You can't expect me to learn a maamar from you at 7:30 in the morning, and then at 8:30 tell me to skip some parts davening.
This wasn't an attack. This was a question. What is the answer?
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Here's that post I wrote that I couldn't post
So a few older bochurim from a certain yeshiva take a night off from their shlichus to go to hear a speech by a presidential hopeful.
It tugged on that cap that I have under my hood that reads "Caution: Do not open while hot!"
There's two types of serving Hashem: Kum V'Aseh and Shev V'al Taaseh. It's one thing to not do something that you are supposed to do. It's quite another to get up and do something that you shouldn't be doing. Shlucho shel adam kmoso mamosh. So in place of sitting and learning, or in place of getting someone else to learn, or in place of figuring out a mivtzah, or in place of sitting on the proverbial thumbs and doing nothing, we get up, go thru the hassle - the major hassle - of arranging transport, standing in ridiculously long lines for hours, and finally achieving our goal of doing nothing all night.
To top it off, at 7:30 the next morning, in lieu of learning or even talking chassidus, we need discuss the events of last night. We need to discuss that which hasn't a remote chance of aiding in our avodah. We taught innocent (that's wishful thinking) kids that it's ok to kill a night and even to boast about it in the morning.
We farbrenged about cherishing the hours between krias shema sheal hamittah and the end of shacharis.
We still believe in that.
It tugged on that cap that I have under my hood that reads "Caution: Do not open while hot!"
There's two types of serving Hashem: Kum V'Aseh and Shev V'al Taaseh. It's one thing to not do something that you are supposed to do. It's quite another to get up and do something that you shouldn't be doing. Shlucho shel adam kmoso mamosh. So in place of sitting and learning, or in place of getting someone else to learn, or in place of figuring out a mivtzah, or in place of sitting on the proverbial thumbs and doing nothing, we get up, go thru the hassle - the major hassle - of arranging transport, standing in ridiculously long lines for hours, and finally achieving our goal of doing nothing all night.
To top it off, at 7:30 the next morning, in lieu of learning or even talking chassidus, we need discuss the events of last night. We need to discuss that which hasn't a remote chance of aiding in our avodah. We taught innocent (that's wishful thinking) kids that it's ok to kill a night and even to boast about it in the morning.
We farbrenged about cherishing the hours between krias shema sheal hamittah and the end of shacharis.
We still believe in that.
From an old Issue of NCL
One of the most difficult things in life is finding parking near your home at night in Crown Heights (until you park four blocks away, then a spot opens up in front of your house). Almost as difficult, is being a good bochur in America in the new millennium.
American culture, by definition, is one of the biggest challenges to a bochur's goal of "doing the right thing." Advertisements, radio and television shows, and movies are geared towards a teenager's weak spots. Clothing ads certainly are nothing more than a message to teens, that what's important today is to be a physical attraction. (If it was really an ad for clothing, there would be more clothes in the ad!). No, the message is get noticed. It's not who you are, it's what you wear. The opposite extreme of what Torah teaches.
It's not by mistake either. Hollywood and the advertising industries prey on the vulnerable teenagers. They spend millions of dollars perverting and twisting the minds of our youth. And it's everywhere. Today there is an ad that thirty years ago would have been banned as pornographic - and it's an ad for toothpaste!
Practically every show has the same theme: boy runs after girl, girl runs after boy, car explodes.
But I'm not writing now about the destruction that is caused by bringing movies or television into your home. Today you can greatly damage your bochur's innocence with the daily mail.
There is almost no secular publication available today that is kosher enough to be brought into your home. Period. The world's standards have eroded to the point that practically no newspaper, magazine or novel is OK. It is appalling. And if you, a mother of young boys, have an absolute need for these magazines, et al - which are devastating to a bochur's growth - they must be kept locked up in the master bedroom, or in a safe. They certainly cannot be left in a family-room magazine stand, or even a bathroom drawer, or any other place accessible to him.
You want your son to be chassidish, and he wants to be chassidish. But you cannot put the yetzer horah in front of his nose, or worse, in his hand, and expect him to withstand the temptation.
For those that have no kids at home at any given time, you are responsible for the yiras shomayim of any bochur that passes through your home, be it a relative or a guest. If a kid in your house uses your bathroom and sees a provocative advertisement on the back of a magazine that was left sitting out, it is your fault, and you have damaged him tremendously.
Here are the options: Your boy can remain innocent a little longer, or you can have your reading pleasure. Is it worth it? No way! Live without it, and have a healthy, frum boy. Please! Do it for his sake, if not for yours.
Is it really your responsibility? If you come in contact with someone who is still in the learning process, you are a mechanech! You are an educator, and his or her chinuch is in your hands at that time.
Today in our big, bad world there is no more good and bad, or right and wrong. What kid's are basing their morals on today is "is it done or not." Of course they don't base it on what they see on the street. We've taught them that what's there on the outside is not us, it's not for our lives. But we do teach them that what they see and have at home is theirs, and is by definition good and acceptable. And they need to be able to know, unquestionably, that what they have at home, in school and in shul, is kosher.
A good bochur works constantly and continually on controlling his desires, the natural, inborn taavos that he has. And B"H he is successful. For you to put a challenge, a stumbling block, in front of him - in addition to being an aveira, it's abuse!
For a bochur to be exposed to his sister or sisters that do not dress modestly is also abuse. In addition to having to see that which he is taught and trained not to see, exposure to it desensitizes him, and his yetzer horah becomes greater. To see what he constantly sees at home is no longer a big deal, and he wants more.
We're not talking about teaching the above, culled from sichos and shulchan aruch, to your baalei battim's families, or your irreligious relatives and friends. Today this needs to be told to every single frum family. Especially bearing in mind what the Rebbe says about "poseyach al shtei hasi'ifim," namely, that it is in some ways worse than outright avodah zorah! People are looking at you as an example of a frum family and will undoubtedly imitate you. Your sons are looking at you as an acceptable role model and will do as you do. Your nephews trust you to be a chassidishe yard-stick and will emulate your actions.
If your son does have certain places or circumstances that are unavoidable, and he will be exposed to these or other unacceptable items, make sure to explain to him that "in our family, as chassidim, that stuff is wrong."
Our bochurim are trying so hard. They really are. They aren't just the pleasure seeking, attention starved teenagers the world wants them to be. They want to be the best that they can be. But they need our help. They need our help in staying away from bad, and they need our help with a good replacement for it. And with a little bit of help, a little bit of encouragement, a little bit of self-esteem boosting, they'll get caught in that beautiful cycle: they're better and so they're happier, and they're happier so they're better. Which is exactly what they want.
American culture, by definition, is one of the biggest challenges to a bochur's goal of "doing the right thing." Advertisements, radio and television shows, and movies are geared towards a teenager's weak spots. Clothing ads certainly are nothing more than a message to teens, that what's important today is to be a physical attraction. (If it was really an ad for clothing, there would be more clothes in the ad!). No, the message is get noticed. It's not who you are, it's what you wear. The opposite extreme of what Torah teaches.
It's not by mistake either. Hollywood and the advertising industries prey on the vulnerable teenagers. They spend millions of dollars perverting and twisting the minds of our youth. And it's everywhere. Today there is an ad that thirty years ago would have been banned as pornographic - and it's an ad for toothpaste!
Practically every show has the same theme: boy runs after girl, girl runs after boy, car explodes.
But I'm not writing now about the destruction that is caused by bringing movies or television into your home. Today you can greatly damage your bochur's innocence with the daily mail.
There is almost no secular publication available today that is kosher enough to be brought into your home. Period. The world's standards have eroded to the point that practically no newspaper, magazine or novel is OK. It is appalling. And if you, a mother of young boys, have an absolute need for these magazines, et al - which are devastating to a bochur's growth - they must be kept locked up in the master bedroom, or in a safe. They certainly cannot be left in a family-room magazine stand, or even a bathroom drawer, or any other place accessible to him.
You want your son to be chassidish, and he wants to be chassidish. But you cannot put the yetzer horah in front of his nose, or worse, in his hand, and expect him to withstand the temptation.
For those that have no kids at home at any given time, you are responsible for the yiras shomayim of any bochur that passes through your home, be it a relative or a guest. If a kid in your house uses your bathroom and sees a provocative advertisement on the back of a magazine that was left sitting out, it is your fault, and you have damaged him tremendously.
Here are the options: Your boy can remain innocent a little longer, or you can have your reading pleasure. Is it worth it? No way! Live without it, and have a healthy, frum boy. Please! Do it for his sake, if not for yours.
Is it really your responsibility? If you come in contact with someone who is still in the learning process, you are a mechanech! You are an educator, and his or her chinuch is in your hands at that time.
Today in our big, bad world there is no more good and bad, or right and wrong. What kid's are basing their morals on today is "is it done or not." Of course they don't base it on what they see on the street. We've taught them that what's there on the outside is not us, it's not for our lives. But we do teach them that what they see and have at home is theirs, and is by definition good and acceptable. And they need to be able to know, unquestionably, that what they have at home, in school and in shul, is kosher.
A good bochur works constantly and continually on controlling his desires, the natural, inborn taavos that he has. And B"H he is successful. For you to put a challenge, a stumbling block, in front of him - in addition to being an aveira, it's abuse!
For a bochur to be exposed to his sister or sisters that do not dress modestly is also abuse. In addition to having to see that which he is taught and trained not to see, exposure to it desensitizes him, and his yetzer horah becomes greater. To see what he constantly sees at home is no longer a big deal, and he wants more.
We're not talking about teaching the above, culled from sichos and shulchan aruch, to your baalei battim's families, or your irreligious relatives and friends. Today this needs to be told to every single frum family. Especially bearing in mind what the Rebbe says about "poseyach al shtei hasi'ifim," namely, that it is in some ways worse than outright avodah zorah! People are looking at you as an example of a frum family and will undoubtedly imitate you. Your sons are looking at you as an acceptable role model and will do as you do. Your nephews trust you to be a chassidishe yard-stick and will emulate your actions.
If your son does have certain places or circumstances that are unavoidable, and he will be exposed to these or other unacceptable items, make sure to explain to him that "in our family, as chassidim, that stuff is wrong."
Our bochurim are trying so hard. They really are. They aren't just the pleasure seeking, attention starved teenagers the world wants them to be. They want to be the best that they can be. But they need our help. They need our help in staying away from bad, and they need our help with a good replacement for it. And with a little bit of help, a little bit of encouragement, a little bit of self-esteem boosting, they'll get caught in that beautiful cycle: they're better and so they're happier, and they're happier so they're better. Which is exactly what they want.
An email we sent out
Dear parents,
I trust this finds you and yours in the best of health and spirit.
I am writing today to make sure that you understand what the Internet can do to your son, or anybody else. More precisely, if your son has any access to the Internet, what it IS doing to your son.
Imagine: Twenty years ago, when a bochur had a desire to see non-tznius images, he realized that he would have to sneak out of the house, enter unnoticed into a store that he would be embarrassed to be caught in, shamefacedly show a cashier what he was buying and lie about his age, and then view those images hiding behind a garage or bushes. Today, when a bochur wants to see non-tznius images, he goes to his living room.
Twenty years ago, the vast majority of bochurim who had that desire didn't follow through on it because it was too difficult, and they grew up and got over it. The vast majority of bochurim today are viewing these images, and it's an addiction that gets worse and worse.
Additionally, it affects every single type of bochur: the very chassidish, the not so chassidish, the outgoing, the noisy, the loner, the quiet, the obedient, the disobedient. No parent can sit back and say "I know my child, I can trust him on the computer."
Sometimes parents picture themselves in their son's shoes, but that's a mistake because the Internet experience of an adult and the experience of a teenager are world wide webs apart.
If your son uses the Internet, some or all of the following are happening:
1. He is seeing non-tznius pictures. Not by looking for them, but because almost every website that isn't 'frum based' has pictures that are not tznius, certainly not tznius by our standards. And pictures that are even less tznius are just a click away. That's best case scenario. Worst case scenario is that he is looking for non-tznius pictures, and certainly finding them, and the images that he sees are in his mind all day long and all night long.
2. He is being invited to join MySpace or Facebook or any of the other filth-riddled forums that anyone who wants to be considered "with it" needs to be a part of.
OR
He is already a member of one of these places, and is already posting and sending messages, pictures, etc. Of course, his content and language have to be up to par. He also has a few girls listed as his friends or buddies - not necessarily because he wants girls on his list, but they were a friend of a friend, and they asked to be his friend, and out of the kindness of his heart he accepted.
OR
He is already a heavy user of these forums, has many girls with whom he chats, and has changed his ID several times after being terminated for violating the terms of use agreement.
3. He is sending and receiving emails that have content that you (or I) would not approve of. Or content that would make your (or me) cry.
4. He is browsing YouTube, or a similar video website. Even if he signs on to watch a Rebbe video or a Jewish singer, when he arrives he is encouraged to watch some filth. While he's watching the kosher video it will be surrounded by suggestions of other videos, and when he's done, YouTube will recommend many more untznius videos.
5. He is searching for something on Google. Before he finds what he's looking for he is going to see or read inappropriate material, or worse.
***
We need to come to terms with the damning fact that most families have Internet access in their homes. Those of you that don't, a huge Yasher Koach to you! You are fighting the good fight, keep it up! You are the Pinchas of our days, standing up against the worst the world has to offer, in the face of overwhelming apathy.
But for those of you that have Internet in your homes, you must make sure that it is in a public place, where the users know that they have no privacy! And you must restrict the time that your children spend on the Internet to times when parents are home, and set time limits.
Please! Do not make the mistake of saying, "my child is already old enough to make good choices, I don't mix in."
Please! Do not make the mistake of saying, "my son has no interest in the filth on the Internet," or "my son is so well behaved, and so frum, he would never do anything wrong on the Internet." Kids don't sit down at the computer to ruin their lives. They sit down for innocent fun, or work, and the predatory Internet takes care of the rest.
Do not allow your child to have a laptop computer, or a handheld gaming device with Internet access, or a cell-phone with Internet access.
It's not fair! It's not fair to put a box in your son's hand and say "this box has the latest Hollywood hits. Don't open it!" "This box contains the filth your friends have told you about. Don't open it." "This box has an untznius picture or video in it. I'll never know if you look at it or not. But don't."
To ask a kid to have access to the world's filth at his or her fingertips, or in their hands or in their pockets, and expect them to stay away from it is not only unrealistic, but it's not fair.
Remember, they want to be great kids! They just need a bit of our help.
Wishing you a health and happy summer filled with nachas,
Sincerely,
I trust this finds you and yours in the best of health and spirit.
I am writing today to make sure that you understand what the Internet can do to your son, or anybody else. More precisely, if your son has any access to the Internet, what it IS doing to your son.
Imagine: Twenty years ago, when a bochur had a desire to see non-tznius images, he realized that he would have to sneak out of the house, enter unnoticed into a store that he would be embarrassed to be caught in, shamefacedly show a cashier what he was buying and lie about his age, and then view those images hiding behind a garage or bushes. Today, when a bochur wants to see non-tznius images, he goes to his living room.
Twenty years ago, the vast majority of bochurim who had that desire didn't follow through on it because it was too difficult, and they grew up and got over it. The vast majority of bochurim today are viewing these images, and it's an addiction that gets worse and worse.
Additionally, it affects every single type of bochur: the very chassidish, the not so chassidish, the outgoing, the noisy, the loner, the quiet, the obedient, the disobedient. No parent can sit back and say "I know my child, I can trust him on the computer."
Sometimes parents picture themselves in their son's shoes, but that's a mistake because the Internet experience of an adult and the experience of a teenager are world wide webs apart.
If your son uses the Internet, some or all of the following are happening:
1. He is seeing non-tznius pictures. Not by looking for them, but because almost every website that isn't 'frum based' has pictures that are not tznius, certainly not tznius by our standards. And pictures that are even less tznius are just a click away. That's best case scenario. Worst case scenario is that he is looking for non-tznius pictures, and certainly finding them, and the images that he sees are in his mind all day long and all night long.
2. He is being invited to join MySpace or Facebook or any of the other filth-riddled forums that anyone who wants to be considered "with it" needs to be a part of.
OR
He is already a member of one of these places, and is already posting and sending messages, pictures, etc. Of course, his content and language have to be up to par. He also has a few girls listed as his friends or buddies - not necessarily because he wants girls on his list, but they were a friend of a friend, and they asked to be his friend, and out of the kindness of his heart he accepted.
OR
He is already a heavy user of these forums, has many girls with whom he chats, and has changed his ID several times after being terminated for violating the terms of use agreement.
3. He is sending and receiving emails that have content that you (or I) would not approve of. Or content that would make your (or me) cry.
4. He is browsing YouTube, or a similar video website. Even if he signs on to watch a Rebbe video or a Jewish singer, when he arrives he is encouraged to watch some filth. While he's watching the kosher video it will be surrounded by suggestions of other videos, and when he's done, YouTube will recommend many more untznius videos.
5. He is searching for something on Google. Before he finds what he's looking for he is going to see or read inappropriate material, or worse.
***
We need to come to terms with the damning fact that most families have Internet access in their homes. Those of you that don't, a huge Yasher Koach to you! You are fighting the good fight, keep it up! You are the Pinchas of our days, standing up against the worst the world has to offer, in the face of overwhelming apathy.
But for those of you that have Internet in your homes, you must make sure that it is in a public place, where the users know that they have no privacy! And you must restrict the time that your children spend on the Internet to times when parents are home, and set time limits.
Please! Do not make the mistake of saying, "my child is already old enough to make good choices, I don't mix in."
Please! Do not make the mistake of saying, "my son has no interest in the filth on the Internet," or "my son is so well behaved, and so frum, he would never do anything wrong on the Internet." Kids don't sit down at the computer to ruin their lives. They sit down for innocent fun, or work, and the predatory Internet takes care of the rest.
Do not allow your child to have a laptop computer, or a handheld gaming device with Internet access, or a cell-phone with Internet access.
It's not fair! It's not fair to put a box in your son's hand and say "this box has the latest Hollywood hits. Don't open it!" "This box contains the filth your friends have told you about. Don't open it." "This box has an untznius picture or video in it. I'll never know if you look at it or not. But don't."
To ask a kid to have access to the world's filth at his or her fingertips, or in their hands or in their pockets, and expect them to stay away from it is not only unrealistic, but it's not fair.
Remember, they want to be great kids! They just need a bit of our help.
Wishing you a health and happy summer filled with nachas,
Sincerely,
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)